Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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