All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
