Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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