I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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