Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
