my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
