Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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