I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
