Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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