is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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