drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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