There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
