PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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