I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
