The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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