I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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