I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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