Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
