It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
