no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
