as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
