so explain again why im purple
no
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
