I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My bed smells like the plague
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
