Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
