it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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