I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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