Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
