My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
