is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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