I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
