Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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