the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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