he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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