Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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