All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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