I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize