Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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