I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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