Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
