The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize