So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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