@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
