$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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