Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So. Much. Porn.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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