i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
