i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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