lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
