I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
