Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
