Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
