No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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