I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
