I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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