i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
