He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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