I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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