i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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