he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
