so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
