Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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