so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
