My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Terrible idea I love it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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