I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
