his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
