I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My bed smells like the plague
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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