we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
