what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
