I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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