Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
