so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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