i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
