I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize