dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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