im holly from the hills drunk
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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